Battles with Insecurities
Insecurities, it seems like I have always had them. The root of all this is probably because I was bullied since elementary for the way I look. They said, my skin tone is too dark as a result of Indonesia’s obsession towards white skin. Ever since then my insecurities has slowly grown as I myself, grew.
It was my body weight before. I would freak out when the scale showed that I had gained weight. Thinking back, I shouldn’t have been so stressed. Gaining weight is inevitable, because as I grow taller, my weight will increase as well in proportion. But, I was a size 0, and to my knowledge back then, that’s the same size with models, and they’re beautiful, therefore; I am.
Next, came the unfortunate genetics that my skin is very acne prone. It’s really responsive with chemicals, pollution, and a lot of other things. I broke out as soon as I reached puberty, when I moved to Australia and the dryness damaged my skin, and when I came back in Indonesia where the pollution level is crazy. The mirror became my worst enemy.
Working as a model, I know how important one’s physique is. So it stresses me out when I have acne. Right now, my skin is rebelling so bad… I have cystic acne and lots of little bumps. It doesn’t matter if i put on makeup because the bump is still there, and it messes with my self worth. I wouldn’t feel comfortable when people are talking to me and looking at my face, I hate FaceTiming my boyfriend because I have to see my own face, and I if I have to stand in front of a mirror, I have to stand in a particular distance so that I can remind myself that that zit is small in comparison to everything else.
I’m sure a lot of women go through this. After all, we are bombarded with photos of ‘perfect’ looking girls. Yes, I acknowledge that there are a lot more body positivity models, but there are still little to zero photograph of girls in the magazine with acne. All of them have perfect skin--edited or not--it still creates the illusion that girls are supposed to be so.
My boyfriend has been actively telling me how beautiful I am, even with my acnes. And every time I kept telling him the same response; “Not yet, my skin is still covered in acne.” Shows how much self love I have huh?
All in all, I think as a society we are progressing in terms of body image. We’ve moved our obsession from skinny bodies to fit bodies. We’ve embraced that all girls have different body types, and every type is beautiful. But now we need to show that it is very normal to have acne. It is possible to have one even if we have a rigorous skincare routine. This is because sometimes, the formation of acne happens internally, because of our hormones.
I still need to repeat this to myself: “You are beautiful regardless.” Let’s pray that one day, we’ll believe in it, and that one day comes sometimes soon.
30 August 2017
It was my body weight before. I would freak out when the scale showed that I had gained weight. Thinking back, I shouldn’t have been so stressed. Gaining weight is inevitable, because as I grow taller, my weight will increase as well in proportion. But, I was a size 0, and to my knowledge back then, that’s the same size with models, and they’re beautiful, therefore; I am.
Next, came the unfortunate genetics that my skin is very acne prone. It’s really responsive with chemicals, pollution, and a lot of other things. I broke out as soon as I reached puberty, when I moved to Australia and the dryness damaged my skin, and when I came back in Indonesia where the pollution level is crazy. The mirror became my worst enemy.
Working as a model, I know how important one’s physique is. So it stresses me out when I have acne. Right now, my skin is rebelling so bad… I have cystic acne and lots of little bumps. It doesn’t matter if i put on makeup because the bump is still there, and it messes with my self worth. I wouldn’t feel comfortable when people are talking to me and looking at my face, I hate FaceTiming my boyfriend because I have to see my own face, and I if I have to stand in front of a mirror, I have to stand in a particular distance so that I can remind myself that that zit is small in comparison to everything else.
I’m sure a lot of women go through this. After all, we are bombarded with photos of ‘perfect’ looking girls. Yes, I acknowledge that there are a lot more body positivity models, but there are still little to zero photograph of girls in the magazine with acne. All of them have perfect skin--edited or not--it still creates the illusion that girls are supposed to be so.
My boyfriend has been actively telling me how beautiful I am, even with my acnes. And every time I kept telling him the same response; “Not yet, my skin is still covered in acne.” Shows how much self love I have huh?
All in all, I think as a society we are progressing in terms of body image. We’ve moved our obsession from skinny bodies to fit bodies. We’ve embraced that all girls have different body types, and every type is beautiful. But now we need to show that it is very normal to have acne. It is possible to have one even if we have a rigorous skincare routine. This is because sometimes, the formation of acne happens internally, because of our hormones.
I still need to repeat this to myself: “You are beautiful regardless.” Let’s pray that one day, we’ll believe in it, and that one day comes sometimes soon.
30 August 2017
Confessions Of A Broken Heart
People say I move on easy. It’s probably because I only trust a handful of people when it comes to revealing myself. I have never wanted to be seen as weak, if that’s the case I would feel like a rabbit in the middle of a pack of wolves.
So I put on this mask, and give the impression that I don’t care. I do that so well that sometimes I even fool myself. But when the night comes and I’m no longer busy, I slowly break down.
I’m the type of girl who gives all I have when I love a person. I care for them, I would see no flaws in them, and sometimes I get lost in the emotion so much I forgot there was a world before them.
People say I shouldn’t dwell on past lovers as guys are lining up just in front of my eyes. Trying their luck to lure my heart open. I play along. But in truth, I’m trying my own luck…maybe, just maybe one of these guys would be able to make me fall deeply in love again.
Its like a poison to me—or a curse rather. To be addicted to the thrill of love yet I only find interest in very little people. Often, I fall for the wrong ones, numerous times. Letting them have their taste of me and keeping a part of me with them. After they left I always feel hollow… and numb. Nothing excites me. I don’t see the world in colours anymore, everything is just bland.
I question whether or not my expectation of love is too high, or that maybe, I am not worthy of love. Sometimes I blame myself for relationships that didn’t work. Thinking maybe I didn’t try hard enough.
A friend of mine told me: “Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”
Is it?
15 January 2016
So I put on this mask, and give the impression that I don’t care. I do that so well that sometimes I even fool myself. But when the night comes and I’m no longer busy, I slowly break down.
I’m the type of girl who gives all I have when I love a person. I care for them, I would see no flaws in them, and sometimes I get lost in the emotion so much I forgot there was a world before them.
People say I shouldn’t dwell on past lovers as guys are lining up just in front of my eyes. Trying their luck to lure my heart open. I play along. But in truth, I’m trying my own luck…maybe, just maybe one of these guys would be able to make me fall deeply in love again.
Its like a poison to me—or a curse rather. To be addicted to the thrill of love yet I only find interest in very little people. Often, I fall for the wrong ones, numerous times. Letting them have their taste of me and keeping a part of me with them. After they left I always feel hollow… and numb. Nothing excites me. I don’t see the world in colours anymore, everything is just bland.
I question whether or not my expectation of love is too high, or that maybe, I am not worthy of love. Sometimes I blame myself for relationships that didn’t work. Thinking maybe I didn’t try hard enough.
A friend of mine told me: “Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”
Is it?
15 January 2016
Can Love Be A Reason To Justify Misbehaviour?
Growing up and seeing how your parents slowly drift apart will surely take a toll on you. For some people, they might just lose hope in all together. But for others, it might become a motivation to have the exact opposite relationship.
I am a part of the second group. I try my very best to make my relationship the opposite of what my parents have. I try to learn from my mother's mistakes and avoid them. I try to see what kind of person my father is and try to find the exact opposite traits on my boyfriend.
But then I found you.
I've seen early warnings, because you are quite similar to him, but I thought; "They just like the same things." I never thought you two could be so similar. In these nine months of relationship, it's always you who hurt me—again and again. And I always forgive you, because I thought you could always change. I mean people can change.
I always try to create an image that we're okay, so that everyone would think nothing is wrong with us. I guess that is what wives are doing for their family even if they get beaten up. Society tends to favor our male counterparts more thinking; "She must've been annoying" or "She probably couldn't take care of him well". Afraid of these judgments we keep it a secret. Even though we know we're hurt. We’re really hurt.
I am hurt. I've been hurt a lot of time: sometimes with your words, sometimes with your attitudes. But you always have your way of making it feel like it's also my fault, as if I nag too much or if I demand too much.
Really all I wanted from you is your love and your attention. Is that too much too ask? Is it really hard to reply to my message just to send me good night? Or ask how my day went? I feel like I always make time for you, always: whether I'm in class, or family gatherings, or if I'm working, or when I am with my friends. And I don't feel like I made sacrifices… because I love you.
But to what extent should we use the word love as a reason for us to justify injustice? To what extent should we tolerate misbehavior in the name of love?
Answer me. Because as a person coming from a family whose parents stays together for the sake of the kids—often known as empty shell marriages—the answer would be never. Always tolerate their misbehavior, shake it off, and continue the relationship—even if it doesn't make you happy anymore.
4 March 2015
I am a part of the second group. I try my very best to make my relationship the opposite of what my parents have. I try to learn from my mother's mistakes and avoid them. I try to see what kind of person my father is and try to find the exact opposite traits on my boyfriend.
But then I found you.
I've seen early warnings, because you are quite similar to him, but I thought; "They just like the same things." I never thought you two could be so similar. In these nine months of relationship, it's always you who hurt me—again and again. And I always forgive you, because I thought you could always change. I mean people can change.
I always try to create an image that we're okay, so that everyone would think nothing is wrong with us. I guess that is what wives are doing for their family even if they get beaten up. Society tends to favor our male counterparts more thinking; "She must've been annoying" or "She probably couldn't take care of him well". Afraid of these judgments we keep it a secret. Even though we know we're hurt. We’re really hurt.
I am hurt. I've been hurt a lot of time: sometimes with your words, sometimes with your attitudes. But you always have your way of making it feel like it's also my fault, as if I nag too much or if I demand too much.
Really all I wanted from you is your love and your attention. Is that too much too ask? Is it really hard to reply to my message just to send me good night? Or ask how my day went? I feel like I always make time for you, always: whether I'm in class, or family gatherings, or if I'm working, or when I am with my friends. And I don't feel like I made sacrifices… because I love you.
But to what extent should we use the word love as a reason for us to justify injustice? To what extent should we tolerate misbehavior in the name of love?
Answer me. Because as a person coming from a family whose parents stays together for the sake of the kids—often known as empty shell marriages—the answer would be never. Always tolerate their misbehavior, shake it off, and continue the relationship—even if it doesn't make you happy anymore.
4 March 2015
Coming Out.
It can't be denied that image is powerful within our societies. We've created a curse for ourselves that contains of images that we should aspire to attain. For females at least, we have to aim to be a little bit skinnier, with shiny hair, and femininity. Every so often, we see that so many people adore females who already achieved this image, they often get compliments, even, sometimes they can get away with things that they did just by batting their eyelashes.
Before I continue, I would like to say, that I am not showing off in any way, read until the end okay?
Now, at the age of 19, I can safely say that I have achieved the image that the society demands me to be. I am a working model since I was 16. I am not overweight, and I'm pretty tall for an Indonesian.
Being who I am right now makes things a lot easier. I often get what I want, and how I want it literally by just talking in an irresistible tone, and a smile on my face (or in some cases a pout). I frequently get compliments, on how I dress, or how I look. It's not hard for me to get a boyfriend either.
Before I continue, I would like to say, that I am not showing off in any way, read until the end okay?
Now, at the age of 19, I can safely say that I have achieved the image that the society demands me to be. I am a working model since I was 16. I am not overweight, and I'm pretty tall for an Indonesian.
Being who I am right now makes things a lot easier. I often get what I want, and how I want it literally by just talking in an irresistible tone, and a smile on my face (or in some cases a pout). I frequently get compliments, on how I dress, or how I look. It's not hard for me to get a boyfriend either.
But I am not always like this. Back in middle school, I've always got teased upon because of my appearance. I wasn't pretty at all they even called me ugly. I was a nerd I didn't even understand fashion. I had one of those thick glasses, and ugly short hair. I hated taking pictures, I hated looking at the mirror, and I hated how they made me feel. When I like a guy, there will be zero percent of chance for me to get him, because I was ugly. It doesn't matter if I'm smart, or if I have a good personality, because they're already so turned off by my looks.
I hated myself.
For a while now, I wanted to burn all of my old pictures. I didn't want people now to know how I look like back then. But now that I think about it, I'm not really that different. If anything, being who I am now, makes me a lot more insecure than I ever was when I was in middle school.
You might wonder why, but the answer is that simple. I have to think about how I look every single day. I cannot deny that it is what people see me as: a pretty face. And just like before, it is hard for people, to see me as more than just my appearance. The only difference is that, before, people wouldn't want to get to know me because I was ugly, now, people wouldn't care about who I am as a person, and they only care about how I look. I bet, most of the guys who have a crush on me, likes me because I'm pretty, and not because I have a good personality. I bet they don't even know me well enough to claim that they are in love with me.
What I am trying to say is that it is not us who are ugly, but it is society that is ugly. Being what the society wants us to be, doesn't make things a lot easier, it doesn’t stop there. It's an ongoing process. We have to always make sure that we don't gain weight, or if our make up is done right; we have to always criticize ourselves and it is not healthy. Society is not healthy.
It is not always the case that people who look like me are happy, maybe, we're even more depressed, but we just don't show it. Please love who you are, all your imperfections and flaws. You have to love yourself first, before you can love others. You have to be able to make yourself happy first, before you can make others happy. It all starts from you. And I sincerely believe that if every individual in the society does this, we can destroy the superficial image, and we can create a more humane environment for ourselves.
It is very nerve wrecking for me to publish this for the world to see, it is like I'm reviving a part of me that I murdered. However, I feel like it is important to tell people your story, especially if you think that your story will help or inspire others. I hope that this post could help someone out there, and if anyone ever wants to talk about insecurities, body images, or even bullying, just know that I'm here to help.
2 May 2014
I hated myself.
For a while now, I wanted to burn all of my old pictures. I didn't want people now to know how I look like back then. But now that I think about it, I'm not really that different. If anything, being who I am now, makes me a lot more insecure than I ever was when I was in middle school.
You might wonder why, but the answer is that simple. I have to think about how I look every single day. I cannot deny that it is what people see me as: a pretty face. And just like before, it is hard for people, to see me as more than just my appearance. The only difference is that, before, people wouldn't want to get to know me because I was ugly, now, people wouldn't care about who I am as a person, and they only care about how I look. I bet, most of the guys who have a crush on me, likes me because I'm pretty, and not because I have a good personality. I bet they don't even know me well enough to claim that they are in love with me.
What I am trying to say is that it is not us who are ugly, but it is society that is ugly. Being what the society wants us to be, doesn't make things a lot easier, it doesn’t stop there. It's an ongoing process. We have to always make sure that we don't gain weight, or if our make up is done right; we have to always criticize ourselves and it is not healthy. Society is not healthy.
It is not always the case that people who look like me are happy, maybe, we're even more depressed, but we just don't show it. Please love who you are, all your imperfections and flaws. You have to love yourself first, before you can love others. You have to be able to make yourself happy first, before you can make others happy. It all starts from you. And I sincerely believe that if every individual in the society does this, we can destroy the superficial image, and we can create a more humane environment for ourselves.
It is very nerve wrecking for me to publish this for the world to see, it is like I'm reviving a part of me that I murdered. However, I feel like it is important to tell people your story, especially if you think that your story will help or inspire others. I hope that this post could help someone out there, and if anyone ever wants to talk about insecurities, body images, or even bullying, just know that I'm here to help.
2 May 2014
Men and Women; Equal?
In this modern day, some may argue that male and female are becoming more and more equal, where both gender have an equal chance to succeed in life. It might look that way on the surface, but just like the iceberg theory, there is more to it in the aspects that we cannot see.
It may seem to look like men and women are becoming more equivalent, just because now women have also the right to vote, women have access to higher education, and they can also have a career. But it really is not like that.
If we are really equal, then, there is no such thing as a male-dominated field or female-dominated field. Look at politics, the majority of the people working in that field are men, and now look at fashion, the majority of people who work in that field are women. Why is it like this? Why is politics considered masculine and fashion is considered as feminine? That every guy who wants to be in the fashion industry is considered girly and every girl who wants to be in politics is considered a dreamer?
The discriminations against women, I believe, is still present, it's just not talked upon anymore. It's like the theory of the glass ceiling. How, say, I as a female can see my goals, and what I aspire to be, but because of societal pressure there is a glass ceiling between me and those goals so that I couldn't reach it. Isn't that unfair?
Women is taught that their ultimate life goal is to get married and be a mother, and men is taught that in some point of their life they will have their own family but that would not stop them from achieving their true goal. Do you see the flaw in that?
Maybe it is true that men have a greater physical ability as oppose to women, but what they don't understand is that now, the occupations requires more brain than brawn, and I really don't think that the brain of a male species and a female species is that much of a different. They're both empty at the first place, and then as they grow up, it starts to be filled in with knowledge and this is something that is accessible to everyone, regardless of your gender.
What bothers me also is that it is safer for men to go somewhere alone while if women do this there is always a chance for them to get raped, or assaulted, and it is just generally riskier. And if we get raped, it is suddenly the female's fault? People tend to blame it on what we wear. We need to dress in appropriate clothing they say. But the term appropriate itself is subjective isn't it? I for one believe that it shouldn't matter if girls want to wear shorts, or crop tops, or mini skirts, because men should be smart enough to know their limits. Here, if men are really smarter than women, if they are more qualified to be leaders, then they should at least be able to control their sexual desire. Never have I seen news claiming that a woman has raped a man.
Moreover, there are some attitudes that are okay if a male does it but when it’s a female who does it, it is suddenly a taboo. For example, a guy is allowed to check girls out like "Damn that chick is hot" Or "Look at her ass." But when a girl does it like "I would totally sleep with him" or "His body is so dreamy" she's suddenly a slut. Where is the logic in that? Why can't girls do things that guys can do?
Women are still treated as an object, everywhere. In the mass media especially, we can still see ads using women as an object to sell their products. They're often very beautiful women, with fit bodies, and long hair. This also creates a false image towards girls that they have to look like that and that might lead to depression, eating disorders, and even suicide. Can't the society see what they're doing to us females?
Will we ever reach a time where all is equal? There is not even a way to conclude this essay because there is no other conclusion but the fact that we're still very much unequal. Females have to be more aware of these modern days discrimination, and when we all reach consciousness, we may overthrow this system. Just like how Karl Marx predicted that one-day, the proletariat would overthrow the bourgeoisie.
11 March 2014
It may seem to look like men and women are becoming more equivalent, just because now women have also the right to vote, women have access to higher education, and they can also have a career. But it really is not like that.
If we are really equal, then, there is no such thing as a male-dominated field or female-dominated field. Look at politics, the majority of the people working in that field are men, and now look at fashion, the majority of people who work in that field are women. Why is it like this? Why is politics considered masculine and fashion is considered as feminine? That every guy who wants to be in the fashion industry is considered girly and every girl who wants to be in politics is considered a dreamer?
The discriminations against women, I believe, is still present, it's just not talked upon anymore. It's like the theory of the glass ceiling. How, say, I as a female can see my goals, and what I aspire to be, but because of societal pressure there is a glass ceiling between me and those goals so that I couldn't reach it. Isn't that unfair?
Women is taught that their ultimate life goal is to get married and be a mother, and men is taught that in some point of their life they will have their own family but that would not stop them from achieving their true goal. Do you see the flaw in that?
Maybe it is true that men have a greater physical ability as oppose to women, but what they don't understand is that now, the occupations requires more brain than brawn, and I really don't think that the brain of a male species and a female species is that much of a different. They're both empty at the first place, and then as they grow up, it starts to be filled in with knowledge and this is something that is accessible to everyone, regardless of your gender.
What bothers me also is that it is safer for men to go somewhere alone while if women do this there is always a chance for them to get raped, or assaulted, and it is just generally riskier. And if we get raped, it is suddenly the female's fault? People tend to blame it on what we wear. We need to dress in appropriate clothing they say. But the term appropriate itself is subjective isn't it? I for one believe that it shouldn't matter if girls want to wear shorts, or crop tops, or mini skirts, because men should be smart enough to know their limits. Here, if men are really smarter than women, if they are more qualified to be leaders, then they should at least be able to control their sexual desire. Never have I seen news claiming that a woman has raped a man.
Moreover, there are some attitudes that are okay if a male does it but when it’s a female who does it, it is suddenly a taboo. For example, a guy is allowed to check girls out like "Damn that chick is hot" Or "Look at her ass." But when a girl does it like "I would totally sleep with him" or "His body is so dreamy" she's suddenly a slut. Where is the logic in that? Why can't girls do things that guys can do?
Women are still treated as an object, everywhere. In the mass media especially, we can still see ads using women as an object to sell their products. They're often very beautiful women, with fit bodies, and long hair. This also creates a false image towards girls that they have to look like that and that might lead to depression, eating disorders, and even suicide. Can't the society see what they're doing to us females?
Will we ever reach a time where all is equal? There is not even a way to conclude this essay because there is no other conclusion but the fact that we're still very much unequal. Females have to be more aware of these modern days discrimination, and when we all reach consciousness, we may overthrow this system. Just like how Karl Marx predicted that one-day, the proletariat would overthrow the bourgeoisie.
11 March 2014
Contemplating on Love
During class today, my professor asked me: "Say you fall in love with someone, he's cute and everything, but did you fall in love with his image or with his reputation?" That startled me. I didn't have an answer to that, because I didn't know the answer. I liked to answer that actually, I do not judge a person by their looks but for what they are. But how do we know it is who they really are?
The difference between image and reputation is quite simple she said. Image is only short term; it is how we portray ourselves to the world, while reputation is more than that. It is the general, overall, an long-term impression of that person. It is the good and the bad. She told me, if we fall in love, at first, we fall in love towards the image of this person, but when we have known this person for a long time, maybe for months or years, and we're still in love with this person, then we are no longer dealing with their image, but rather we're dealing with their reputation.
The thing is though; people can lie in order to receive a 'good image'. Then, did we fall in love with a lie? Maybe that is the main reason of break ups. Maybe, they found out that the person they fell in love is, is not really who the person actually is. They lied. But wouldn't that hurt you more?
Love is such a complicated word to explain, because I for one believe that it differs from person to person. According to the dictionary though it means a strong feeling of affection, and affection itself means a gentle feeling of fondness or liking. But then if that is the case, then we might be in love with everyone or anything.
My French teacher discussed the statement 'love is blind' once. His point of view is very interesting too. He said that love is not exclusive for human relationships. But it can also be human to money, human to god. There are many cases where love is blinding. In one case, and the most usual one is that a person fell in love with another person to the point that they will do anything towards this other person, or maybe they love them unconditionally despite their physical attributes. But he also added that there are other very distinct cases, for example, the case of suicide bombing in the name of God. Another case is when a person is in love with money so much they chose to corrupt. In each case, they portray the feeling of love, each very different, but their roots are the same.
The other day my best friend told me that if you really love someone, you wouldn't be able to explain the reason why you love him or her. It is unexplainable, but you know you love that person. Other people may not understand your feeling, they'll think it's weird or it doesn't make sense. But that's the thing he said. It is unexplainable. It is a feeling limited for only you.
Love is such a rich word. It is impossible to define it in such way, because it is almost like love can be used anywhere, everywhere, in any case. Everyone will define it differently, because they will refer to their own personal experience. Then, what is love, actually?
12 February 2014
The difference between image and reputation is quite simple she said. Image is only short term; it is how we portray ourselves to the world, while reputation is more than that. It is the general, overall, an long-term impression of that person. It is the good and the bad. She told me, if we fall in love, at first, we fall in love towards the image of this person, but when we have known this person for a long time, maybe for months or years, and we're still in love with this person, then we are no longer dealing with their image, but rather we're dealing with their reputation.
The thing is though; people can lie in order to receive a 'good image'. Then, did we fall in love with a lie? Maybe that is the main reason of break ups. Maybe, they found out that the person they fell in love is, is not really who the person actually is. They lied. But wouldn't that hurt you more?
Love is such a complicated word to explain, because I for one believe that it differs from person to person. According to the dictionary though it means a strong feeling of affection, and affection itself means a gentle feeling of fondness or liking. But then if that is the case, then we might be in love with everyone or anything.
My French teacher discussed the statement 'love is blind' once. His point of view is very interesting too. He said that love is not exclusive for human relationships. But it can also be human to money, human to god. There are many cases where love is blinding. In one case, and the most usual one is that a person fell in love with another person to the point that they will do anything towards this other person, or maybe they love them unconditionally despite their physical attributes. But he also added that there are other very distinct cases, for example, the case of suicide bombing in the name of God. Another case is when a person is in love with money so much they chose to corrupt. In each case, they portray the feeling of love, each very different, but their roots are the same.
The other day my best friend told me that if you really love someone, you wouldn't be able to explain the reason why you love him or her. It is unexplainable, but you know you love that person. Other people may not understand your feeling, they'll think it's weird or it doesn't make sense. But that's the thing he said. It is unexplainable. It is a feeling limited for only you.
Love is such a rich word. It is impossible to define it in such way, because it is almost like love can be used anywhere, everywhere, in any case. Everyone will define it differently, because they will refer to their own personal experience. Then, what is love, actually?
12 February 2014
Society's Standards
What is it with people and standards? It is like we need to have a standard in every single thing and if we fail to reach that standard that we set ourselves, we are considered as a total and utter failure. Now we have a lot of standards, like how a female should look like, how male should act, etc. But is it really necessary? I personally feel like it does us more harm than good.
For one, what the society consider as 'beautiful' for a female is slender body, fit, long hair, acne-free, and really the list will go on, creating this perfect image that is honestly impossible to achieve. As a result of this, we now have what we know as eating disorders. People, especially females, starve themselves in order to have the body that the society approves of. Some people actually die because of this, what does that make the society?
Second of all, I for one don't believe that a certain gender should act a certain way. I don't believe that a guy should be macho, and they have to know how to fight and all. If by fighting you mean the skills that a person should have in order to defend himself or herself then yes, it is needed. However it applies to both genders, not just males. Female then needs to learn to fight too, I mean they are the ones who are usually the victim.
Some people might claim that it is a biological trait, but I believe otherwise. A child is a product of their parents, both physically and their minds also. George Herbert Mead argued that the behavior of an individual is influenced by two kinds of self-awareness. The first one is what he calls the "I" in which is more of a spontaneous action and the second one is "me" to which is the actions that the individual thinks he or she is expected to do at any given situation.
What that theory is telling me is that the child is first born as his or her true self, or what Mead considers as "I". However, along with the socialization process, the child learns what the society wants him or her to do, and everything turns into "me".
It still gets more complicated than that. Every society has its own set of standard. So say a child grew up in a western society; they grew up trying to please that particular society. However, due to some reasons they had to move to a new environment, with a different set of standards. How do you think they will feel?
I personally feel these standards are useless. They are designed to create a perfect image that is otherwise impossible to reach. What I do believe in is that every single individual is unique; therefore trying to generalize people is something that is unethical. We aren't animals, are we?
12 January 2014
For one, what the society consider as 'beautiful' for a female is slender body, fit, long hair, acne-free, and really the list will go on, creating this perfect image that is honestly impossible to achieve. As a result of this, we now have what we know as eating disorders. People, especially females, starve themselves in order to have the body that the society approves of. Some people actually die because of this, what does that make the society?
Second of all, I for one don't believe that a certain gender should act a certain way. I don't believe that a guy should be macho, and they have to know how to fight and all. If by fighting you mean the skills that a person should have in order to defend himself or herself then yes, it is needed. However it applies to both genders, not just males. Female then needs to learn to fight too, I mean they are the ones who are usually the victim.
Some people might claim that it is a biological trait, but I believe otherwise. A child is a product of their parents, both physically and their minds also. George Herbert Mead argued that the behavior of an individual is influenced by two kinds of self-awareness. The first one is what he calls the "I" in which is more of a spontaneous action and the second one is "me" to which is the actions that the individual thinks he or she is expected to do at any given situation.
What that theory is telling me is that the child is first born as his or her true self, or what Mead considers as "I". However, along with the socialization process, the child learns what the society wants him or her to do, and everything turns into "me".
It still gets more complicated than that. Every society has its own set of standard. So say a child grew up in a western society; they grew up trying to please that particular society. However, due to some reasons they had to move to a new environment, with a different set of standards. How do you think they will feel?
I personally feel these standards are useless. They are designed to create a perfect image that is otherwise impossible to reach. What I do believe in is that every single individual is unique; therefore trying to generalize people is something that is unethical. We aren't animals, are we?
12 January 2014
CROWN
"One who wants to wear the crown, bear the crown."
A quote so simple yet so complicated at the same time. A person who is a superior, from the outside, would seem like he has everything that he wants; accompanied by all the luxury the world can offer. The queen for example, from the outside we see her padded with lavishness of her own palace, adored by her people. But do we really know what happens behind close doors?
It is just like life, like anything in life. If you want to be in the higher social status, if you desire more than what you have right now, you must be prepared for the hurdles it will throw at you. You have to bear the pain.
Nothing in life comes easy. It has a price that you need to exchange it with, just like everything we see in the stores. If you want to buy a pair of shoes, the ones with good quality, then you need to go to a store that sells high-end brands. However, you will need to pay more. In contrast, if you prefer something cheaper, you'll get a pair of shoes with poorer quality.
Metaphorically it is easy. But just like anything else, nothing is as easy as it sounds. To be on top, you need to have the qualifications, in which is usually not easy to get. For one, you need to be ahead than everybody else, and that takes a lot more effort.
If you want to wear the crown, first, you need to survive the journey to that crown itself, and then, when you have achieved it, you need to bear the weight of that crown. It will not be easy, because it won't be worth it if it is easy.
2 January 2014
A quote so simple yet so complicated at the same time. A person who is a superior, from the outside, would seem like he has everything that he wants; accompanied by all the luxury the world can offer. The queen for example, from the outside we see her padded with lavishness of her own palace, adored by her people. But do we really know what happens behind close doors?
It is just like life, like anything in life. If you want to be in the higher social status, if you desire more than what you have right now, you must be prepared for the hurdles it will throw at you. You have to bear the pain.
Nothing in life comes easy. It has a price that you need to exchange it with, just like everything we see in the stores. If you want to buy a pair of shoes, the ones with good quality, then you need to go to a store that sells high-end brands. However, you will need to pay more. In contrast, if you prefer something cheaper, you'll get a pair of shoes with poorer quality.
Metaphorically it is easy. But just like anything else, nothing is as easy as it sounds. To be on top, you need to have the qualifications, in which is usually not easy to get. For one, you need to be ahead than everybody else, and that takes a lot more effort.
If you want to wear the crown, first, you need to survive the journey to that crown itself, and then, when you have achieved it, you need to bear the weight of that crown. It will not be easy, because it won't be worth it if it is easy.
2 January 2014
Modern Day Prince?
I just watched titanic for the first time in my life, and now it got me thinking.
When we were just a child, we were bombarded with fairy tales where princes rescue princesses, and all those romantic love story. This, for some of us, might create this false image in our head, where we want our love story to turn out like that.
I’m not saying that it is a bad thing, but really, right now, do we still see love stories like that? Don’t you think the chances are pretty minimum?
I am a hopeless romantic to be honest. I would love to be cuddled, to be kissed on the forehead, to go on dates at the park. I fell for those kinds of guys, well at least I used to.
Then, I got into really bad relationships, and I don’t see any guys with a prince’s quality nowadays, and I start to lower my standards. This is maybe where I’m at fault.
Think about it, which one is more worth it? To wait for your prince to come or to settle for less just because it takes a long time for him to come?
Maybe, it is time for me to just wait. Don’t rush into things.
But really is there anyone still like that? A guy who protects his girl no matter what, a guy who cuddles her when she is cold, a guy who brings her flowers every now and then, a guy who no matter what will be there for her, a guy that treats her girl right.
Call me old fashioned, but that is the type of guy that I really want.
Like jack, like peeta, like augustus.
But will he come?
22 October 2013
When we were just a child, we were bombarded with fairy tales where princes rescue princesses, and all those romantic love story. This, for some of us, might create this false image in our head, where we want our love story to turn out like that.
I’m not saying that it is a bad thing, but really, right now, do we still see love stories like that? Don’t you think the chances are pretty minimum?
I am a hopeless romantic to be honest. I would love to be cuddled, to be kissed on the forehead, to go on dates at the park. I fell for those kinds of guys, well at least I used to.
Then, I got into really bad relationships, and I don’t see any guys with a prince’s quality nowadays, and I start to lower my standards. This is maybe where I’m at fault.
Think about it, which one is more worth it? To wait for your prince to come or to settle for less just because it takes a long time for him to come?
Maybe, it is time for me to just wait. Don’t rush into things.
But really is there anyone still like that? A guy who protects his girl no matter what, a guy who cuddles her when she is cold, a guy who brings her flowers every now and then, a guy who no matter what will be there for her, a guy that treats her girl right.
Call me old fashioned, but that is the type of guy that I really want.
Like jack, like peeta, like augustus.
But will he come?
22 October 2013